Dance Etiquette
What is the best approach to the following situation?
You were asked to dance by someone you’ve never danced with before. The two of you make it all the way to the dance floor, and then you find out that your partner doesn’t know the dance. Both of you end up just standing there, with your partner’s next statement being: “Teach me!”
Any suggestions on how to politely handle the incident described above?
I, personally, felt rather awkward standing there. And I would, actually, stick it out through the whole dance, even if it was only the basic step (but there were no steps at all). I politely (so I think) led my partner off of the dance floor, not because I didn’t want to dance with that person. After all, I did accept the invitation. However, I’m not a teacher, it was never my calling. I could recommend a few great instructors (but then again, I wouldn’t be one of them :-)). And yes, I did end up dancing that song with a friend. Was I wrong in the way I acted?
I’m confident that the individual has the potential and desire to learn the dance, and I hope I didn’t discourage them to follow through with that. The bachata that we danced together was very pleasant (even if it was at a basic level). So, to the gentleman – if you happen to come across this post, te agradezco otra vez por el baile. Era un placer conocerte, y espero que nos bailaremos más bachata en el futuro. Y salsa–algún día ;-)
Allita
My Opinion
He should've said something before you got on to the dance floor. It's really not fair to assume that you or anyone can teach a person on the spot. I think you handled it well, it was an awkward situation. Hopefully the guy will use what happened to motivate him to learn... I know it's what motivated me to learn, and I'm still learning. I think out of courtesy you should tell the person you are going to dance with if you do or don't know how to dance, especially if the person who does not know the dance is the one asking for the dance.
Just Dance
I agree with Sebastian that he should have said something -- because it really is difficult to have a dance if the leader doesn't know what to do and you should know what you're gettting into. That said -- and this is coming from the "I've been there!" POV: This is social dancing and the key should be socializing and enjoying the music.
Dancing can be really intimidating and I really kind of admire the guys who just go out there and give it a try even when they aren't sure how. While here we learn "steps" and "turns", that really isn't what dancing is in most of the world. Most places, people just kinda dance the way they dance. We love this stuff and do it day after day. Part of what we should learn is flexiblity and to be good ambassadors of dancing: which might on some occasions mean throwing out the steps, the turns and maybe even the partnerwork and simply moving to the music and having fun.
Thanks for the post because I think this is a really important aspect of dancing!
Geo-
Very appropriate
I agree with your comment. Just Dance! You are so cool!
Be Nice
The same thing happen to me a few times but I think it is different for a guy. Since the guys are expected to lead it is easier to guide a lady through the basic steps to a point where you can start leading her around.
It gets a lot uglier when the roles are reversed and the guy is asking the lady to teach them. What would I do if I were in the ladies shoes? It is a tough call. When I first started dancing, one of the things that kept me hooked into the scene was how friendly and helpful most people are. People didn’t hesitate to offer tip when I asked. Now, after building up the courage to get out there on the dance floor and also to ask a lady a dance and for a little help, and the first thing I heard in response was, “Go take some lessons…”, I don’t think I would still be around right now. Those first few vulnerable moments could make a world of difference for a new person entering the salsa scene. Whatever you decided to do, try not to do anything that would turn them off from the big part that makes this stuff so unique & addictive… and that is the friendliness of the people.
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the comments. And I’d like to believe that I was being nice. I didn’t tell this gentleman (or anybody else for that matter) to go take lessons. And I hope that he didn’t think that I was being rude because that was not my intention at all. Like I said, we did dance to a bachata song (that is the dance he was familiar with) and that went perfectly fine. He even asked me if he was doing ok, and I said yes (which was an honest answer).
Show the basic?
I might have tried to simply show him the basic steps if I could instead if just walking him off the floor. But that is just me. I don't think you did anything bad though. If you dont feel like teaching someone then you don't feel like teaching someone. Nothing wrong with that.
Been ther many times
He should have said he didn't salsa giving you the opportunity to accept or decline. I don't think the novice or unskilled salsa dancer realizes it takes a completely different mind set to teach. I used to decline with an explanation that I wasn't a good teacher or leader. Being comfortable with what duane taught me I have "taught" a mini lesson of the basics to a number of ladies & gents. Sometimes in a side by side fashion on the sidelines. I've had ladies ask me to teach their boyfriends or their male friends which seems embarassing by the guys reactions. I ask them their wishes or include the ladies in a side by side lesson. This makes it less awkward.I have enlisted the help of skilled leaders in some cases. The center of skilled dancers is not the place for a lesson due to the usual "large steps (esp. back steps)" of the unskilled dancer. That may be hazardous for all.
Sharon
dance etiquette
It's just one dance! 5-7 minutes tops. I would have just gyrated with him in some fashion smiling as we did so. I was asked to dance with a young man in a wheelchair a few months back. I thought if he had the courage to attend a Salsa Social in a wheelchair I certainly could indulge him in 10 minutes of swaying his body to the rhythym of the music. He even stood from his wheelchair and took a step forward. Who knows, maybe someone will come up with a PT program that incorporates Salsa dancing.
I dance with anyone who asks and enjoy the dance for what it is. And who knows, this guy may develop into a very nice Salsa dancer and he may remember that you lead him off the dance floor when he was trying to learn. I've danced with guys that only knew the basic step or knew nothing and have been pleasantly surprised when I dance with them months later on how much they've progressed. And guess what? They always remember me for my patience and words of encouragement.
I may be wrong but I believe it is in poor taste to lead someone off the dance floor to dance with another.
Kudos to you!
Wow!!! Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. I guess that makes you a far better human being than I am. Kudos to you! After reading your comment, I suppose I will have to re-evaluate my actions. I kind of thought that I was a decent person, but according to you I couldn’t be more wrong. Thank you for bringing that up to my attention.
Sorry
Hi Allita,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I'm sure you're a very loving, beautiful person. I was just saying that sometimes these new dancers become decent dancers and that you really don't want to alienate anyone. It's happened to me where I would dance with someone that doesn't dance very well and who would know?.... the next time I dance with him...he's pretty good. Ah! Just ignore me. I'm just a bleeding heart.
No problem
Hey, no hard feelings. I wholeheartedly agree with you that new dancers eventually turn into advanced ones, and you’re right, it would be best to encourage them instead of doing the opposite. We are definitely on the same page here.
And no, I’m not going to ignore it. You voiced your opinion, and it is perfectly fine. I hope the New Year brings you nothing but the best, and may your heart be a smiling one rather than a bleeding one in the very near future. Take care of yourself.
It's o.k, but I stayed...
Sorry, but I also have been put into that situation...and although misleading, I still stayed on the dance floor and we just "danced." As someone previously wrote, it's music, so I was sure we could find some steps to do and dance in our "own way." I have to admit that it was a little awkward, but I chose awkwardness over hurt feelings...but that's just me. I figured if this guy had the nerve to ask me to dance, then I'm going to dance....at least this one song with him...probably not the next...but we survived.
Speaking of Staying...
This reminds me of something that happen to me when I first started leaning and dancing salsa.
When I first came out to the lain clubs, I spent most of my time on the sidelines looking on in envy at all the people dancing salsa. It looked like a lot of fun and everyone made it look so easy yet I could not figure it out. I would look on at all the guys spinning and dipping the ladies so effortlessly... How could I possibly ask a lady to dance after they danced with experts like those other guys?? No way... I would bore them to tears and embarrass myself. So I decided to take some lessons. After 3 months of salsa lessons I finally built up enough courage to ask someone to dance. I still couldn't dance with a damn but after 3 months of lessons I had to do something... The point of this section? It took me a long time and a lot of money to overcome ask someone to dance... pathetic, I know.
OK, so now I am asking ladies to dance. It was a lot easier then I thought I would be. People were so friendly and patient with me as I was learning. I didn't know what I was so afraid of!!
Then it happen...
At the start of a sond I asked this lady to dance with me. I was struggling along like I normally do but having fun all the same. It was all good. Then this salsa guru dude walked by. As soon as my dance partner saw that he was without a dance partner, in the middle of our song she turned to me and said, "I hope you don't mind but I am going to go dance with him." Then she left me there in the middle of the dance floor, in the middle of a song, to go dance with some other dude that was better. I felt like a giant schmuck! It was a moment that almost turned me off of salsa forever! But as fate would have it, I didn't let that get me down and I am still around. So here is a big THANK YOU to all those ladies that stuck it out with me even thought you could not wait to get out of there :) It helped me tremendously!
So the point is that it can be pretty intimidating for newbies so when someone asks experienced dancers for help, they are putting themselves out there on a limb more then one may realize. So to you experienced dancers out there, your reaction to a new person asking for help mey have a profound impact. Just a few minutes of your time may go a long long way in the development of future dancers and the Detroit salsa scene.
Que Lastima!
Now that's one rude muchacha! Did you want to trip her as she was prancing across the floor to meet-up with the Salsa King?
Alive & Kicking
Alita, I've known you to be kind & curteous as well as an excellent dancer. I think you handled the situation well. Jamin, I thought you were born dancing! You have been patient & understanding since I was a newbe & when I get this silly notion I can anticipate your next move. I, too, have been abandoned on the dance floor or escorted off in the middle of a dance which was embarassing. Other embarassing moments are when your partner lectures you on every move the entire dance, acts totally bored, or doesn't pay attention to you. One particular partner irritated me to the point of me telling him I had an excellent instructor and it wasn't him. I offered to introduce them and suggested he could use lessons in dance ettiquette. Haven't danced with him since and don't plan to in the future. Hopefully, the newcomers will realize many of us have been there and will keep coming back as we have done.
Sharon